Lost at Home

Yesterday, my husband and I took a trip to our hometown to visit his parents and pick up a Craig's List find for our kids. At first, you may read this and think, 'oh how nice, taking a trip home,' but we only live 15 miles from our "home town". Yet, yesterday it became clear to me how far 15 miles really is. We live in Kirkland. We grew up in Renton. These two cities are separated by Bellevue, which is, I admit, no small town. What we found yesterday was a Renton that was only semi-recognizable to us. "Turn right on NE 12th and we'll stop at the 7-11, they'll have a credit union ATM," said my husband. The 7-11 he spoke of, the one that had been on that corner for at least 25+ years, and has been gone now for at least two years, was replaced by a Walgreen's. We knew that but in our absence, that fact had been forgotten.

Upon driving up NE 12th Street we came to the top of the hill to find ourselves lost in an abyss of new homes--so many new homes that we were partially disoriented as to which streets went where. What makes this so startling is that my address growing up was 4455 NE 12th Street! This was my neighborhood and it took me a few seconds to find my bearings. Where the heck was I? Was this really the quiet, quaint little street I grew up around? Walking from McKnight to home. From the Highland's Library to home? From the 7-11 to home? What happened and why are all the new houses so damn UGLY?

And I do mean, UGLY! Huge monstrosities that no more fit the feel of this area than I do anymore. I know, I know, I'm rambling like a 90 year old woman visiting her childhood home. Why are these changes so bothersome to me? And that, is perhaps the true question worth answering. And I think the answer is this...my mother moved from Renton over 5 years ago and with that move, the majority of my reasons for returning moved with her. I have no reason to return to my hometown--at least not this part of it. I grew up in a loathsome apartment that I don't really wish to revisit, as it has deteriorated even further from the time I moved out in the late 1990s. Does that mean I can no longer "go home"? Having a home to return to is an integral piece of one's psyche. Where is my childhood home? The buildings are still there but my mom is not. And that is, I know too well, a blessing. But still, the part of me that longs to return home, can't.

Understand of course, that as I said at the beginning of this post, we were on our way to visit my husband's parents--who do live in Renton. So there are still plenty of reasons to visit. They live however, on the other side of the Highlands community. They live in Maplewood, an area of town that is accessible without ever having to drive NE 12th Street or Sunset Blvd. And that, in short, is how we have been going to their house for the past 5+ years. Taking I-405 South to Coal Creek and following Coal Creek to NE 4th Street and so on. Perhaps what yesterday taught me is to take the scenic route a little more often and to, every once in a while, praise all the blasted traffic that jams up the Coal Creek interchange...as that is what led us down memory lane yesterday. We simply couldn't get over to exit at Coal Creek. That traffic jam led me home--if only to visit the changes.