Narcissistic--who wants to read this anyways?

I'm pretty sure that by design, blogs are a little narcissistic. I mean, what makes me think anyone is going to want to read what I have to say? I'm nobody special. Didn't become the Harvard Lawyer everyone thought I would be in school. Haven't become the first female president of the United States, as voted by my high school senior class. Didn't formally study abroad the way I was sure I would in college. I don't even have a real job right now. So what, exactly, makes me think that anyone would want to read what I write?

Truth is, I don't know. At 31, I have little to no idea what I want to do when I "grow-up". As a kid, being a "grown-up" meant different things at different stages. Mostly, it meant graduating from high school--which I did with absolutely no problem. And after high school, being a grown-up meant graduating from college. After college, it was when I'm done with my masters degree. And then, all of a sudden, there I was, 22 years old, done with high school, college, my masters, and I even had a job! But was I a "grown-up"? Nope, maybe after I get married. Check. Did that at 25.

For now, being a grown-up seems to have more to do with having kids and the idea that I'll be able to do something worth writing about after they are older. But if I wait for them, I'll have waited over half my life to just get it started. So, here I am. The narcissist in me believes that I have something worth while to share. It also believes that I am not alone in this satisfying, crazy, at times lonely, unpredictable journey. A longtime friend recently encouraged me to keep writing--even though it means putting my thoughts out there--on public display--to be ridiculed, read, loved and hated. Scary thoughts for most people--even me.

Maybe this blog is just the start of what's to be. Of who I'll be. There's still time for me to go to law school--probably isn't going to happen. Time to return to Germany, (next June), where every visit is truly a study abroad. Time even to run for president. Perhaps I'll run for office, just for fun when I turn 35? Would you vote for me? I'm a staunch narcissistic democrat, with rambling thoughts flailing from her fingers to the keyboard in little to no systematic order. And I'm counting on your vote.

Lost at Home

Yesterday, my husband and I took a trip to our hometown to visit his parents and pick up a Craig's List find for our kids. At first, you may read this and think, 'oh how nice, taking a trip home,' but we only live 15 miles from our "home town". Yet, yesterday it became clear to me how far 15 miles really is. We live in Kirkland. We grew up in Renton. These two cities are separated by Bellevue, which is, I admit, no small town. What we found yesterday was a Renton that was only semi-recognizable to us. "Turn right on NE 12th and we'll stop at the 7-11, they'll have a credit union ATM," said my husband. The 7-11 he spoke of, the one that had been on that corner for at least 25+ years, and has been gone now for at least two years, was replaced by a Walgreen's. We knew that but in our absence, that fact had been forgotten.

Upon driving up NE 12th Street we came to the top of the hill to find ourselves lost in an abyss of new homes--so many new homes that we were partially disoriented as to which streets went where. What makes this so startling is that my address growing up was 4455 NE 12th Street! This was my neighborhood and it took me a few seconds to find my bearings. Where the heck was I? Was this really the quiet, quaint little street I grew up around? Walking from McKnight to home. From the Highland's Library to home? From the 7-11 to home? What happened and why are all the new houses so damn UGLY?

And I do mean, UGLY! Huge monstrosities that no more fit the feel of this area than I do anymore. I know, I know, I'm rambling like a 90 year old woman visiting her childhood home. Why are these changes so bothersome to me? And that, is perhaps the true question worth answering. And I think the answer is this...my mother moved from Renton over 5 years ago and with that move, the majority of my reasons for returning moved with her. I have no reason to return to my hometown--at least not this part of it. I grew up in a loathsome apartment that I don't really wish to revisit, as it has deteriorated even further from the time I moved out in the late 1990s. Does that mean I can no longer "go home"? Having a home to return to is an integral piece of one's psyche. Where is my childhood home? The buildings are still there but my mom is not. And that is, I know too well, a blessing. But still, the part of me that longs to return home, can't.

Understand of course, that as I said at the beginning of this post, we were on our way to visit my husband's parents--who do live in Renton. So there are still plenty of reasons to visit. They live however, on the other side of the Highlands community. They live in Maplewood, an area of town that is accessible without ever having to drive NE 12th Street or Sunset Blvd. And that, in short, is how we have been going to their house for the past 5+ years. Taking I-405 South to Coal Creek and following Coal Creek to NE 4th Street and so on. Perhaps what yesterday taught me is to take the scenic route a little more often and to, every once in a while, praise all the blasted traffic that jams up the Coal Creek interchange...as that is what led us down memory lane yesterday. We simply couldn't get over to exit at Coal Creek. That traffic jam led me home--if only to visit the changes.

Why Kaffee Prinzessin

How did I come up with this title and what the heck does it mean? That shouldn't be too hard to figure out if you know me even a little bit. It's German for, "Coffee Princess". The title in English was not available when I began setting up this blog--so I kept the title I wanted and tried it in German. Score! Pays to know a second language.

But why does a former English teacher have the title, "Kaffee Prinzessin?" It's a nickname that was given to me while working at Starbucks. After the birth of my first child, Alexander, I decided to quit teaching for a while and stay at home. By the time Alex was 1, I was ready to get out of the house again for "fun," so I took a job at Sbux. I was a Shift-Supervisor for nearly two years and through the birth of my second child, Anna. Alas, Sbux and I weren't meant to be and I quit this past February. I did, however, take my love of coffee and kept my love of German and have merged them together for the title of this blog.

New at This

As a teenager, I loved to write. I would write long ramblings of everything and nothing in spiral-bound notebooks. Yes, I said spiral-bound notebooks! So for the past few years I've been toying with the idea of setting up a blog. Those beloved notebooks, however, were before computers were in everyone's home, on every desk top, on your phone, Ipod, Ipad, I-whatever. Now let's be clear, I am married to a man who has lived and breathed technology since the day I met him. He was THAT kid in the computer lab who asked, "Do you need help with your computer?" Yes, yes I did need help and I still do! And as a side note, he now works for Google. So it's not like I don't have access to this stuff--but I hate it. Technology does not come as second nature to me. Computers, even back as far as Windows 95, have always been confoundedly confusing to me. Websites are no different and as I begin to set up this blog, I'm finding more of the same.

So bear with me. I'm learning and the curve is a little steeper than one might imagine it should be for a grown woman, who by college had her own computer--finally. I make no promises for this blog. I have, at the moment, no real idea where I'm going with it. For now, it is replacing my high school and college spiral-bound notebooks. Sigh, I guess I'm finally coming up with the times-- 3-5 years late.